I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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