Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
