Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
