i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
