Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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