Where did you get a picture of my penis
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
