forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
