I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
