My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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