I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
