Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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