Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
