I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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