Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
