who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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