he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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