Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
