Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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