Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
