Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
