Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
