had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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