I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
