i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i would punch a child for taco bell
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
