had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
