Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
