3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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