I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
