In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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