She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
