If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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