update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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