It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
