so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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