I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
