I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is Oprah even human
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
