this beer tastes like vomit already
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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