There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
