Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
