Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
