My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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