Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
