I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
