chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
