Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
