i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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