DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My balls are so social today.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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