What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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