Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
