No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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