Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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