Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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