imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
