now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
