I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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