Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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