My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
