youre lurking in front of me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
