cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
