Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
