I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
