i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
