I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
time to smoke my breakfast
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
