I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
