Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I want is dick and wine.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
