If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
