So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
