I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
3pm strippers are depressing
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
