I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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