i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
