I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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