drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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